How To Choose Affirmations That Work Well For You (Instead of Against You)

Have you ever placed a note in the bathroom mirror, like, "I am successful.  I am free."  I have.  And it just doesn't seem to work?  And for every affirmation that doesn't work, there seems to be one that does work?  What's going on?

I can tell you that I've found both instances to be true in my experience.  Ever since I was a kid, I was trained to think that affirmations especially when written big and clearly and posted on the wall, are supposed to work.  Like "I am confident."  Or better still at that time when I was schooling, "I love math."  Well I didn't suck at math, but I was just, well, ok.  Friends who posted many things on their walls began to tell me after a few weeks, "Hey, I don't think those affirmations work."

For the longest time, I was really baffled.  Some worked. Yay. But boy some didn't work when I was told they were supposed to work. I felt like a failure when they didn’t work.  Why didn’t they work when I followed the instructions to repeat them over and over again, all day every day?

Some twenty years later, again, a friend asked me, "How is it that it works sometimes only?"

Here's what I've found.

The secret to using affirmations successfully is, to be in a place of being able to truly believe in what you're saying.  If you're too far off what you're saying, it will go against you, for even though the affirmation may sound appealing intellectually, at the back of your mind, deep down, you doubt the affirmation is going to be true for you.  Usually, these affirmations will have a hollow or negative feeling when you say it out loud.

But if it does resonate with you, and it actually feels good when you say it out loud, then the chances of it working for you, are vastly increased.

So, next time you want to take home an affirmation and practice it, I'd recommend, first become aware of how you feel when you say it out loud or in your mind.  Does it ring true for you or not?  Do you truly feel comfortable with it?  If you're not comfortable with it, play with tweaking it so that it does sit well with you.

For example, if you were impressed by the affirmation, "My life is joyful," and yet if you feel like most of the time, you are feeling overwhelmed, then don't worry about forcing this particular affirmation down your throat if it doesn't feel right.  Instead, here's what you can try something along these lines:

- "I am open to finding moments of joy in my life."

- "Joy is possible for me as I do recall there have been quite a few events that I've felt joyful about."

- "I'm willing to open up to new thoughts that authentically bring more and more joy to me over time."

- "I'm willing to be easy with myself and let myself feel open whenever possible.  I know this will bring me joy."

Again, the key here, is don't over think it.  

Just allow yourself to feel how each of these statements ring true for you or not, and pick the one that resonates most authentically for you.